Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im holly from the hills drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
