just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
