Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
