Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
