I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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