I think I am morally bankrupt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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