I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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