Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
