We got so high we made milksteak
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
