Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
