We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
