i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
