no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
