how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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