I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
