i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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