Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
