i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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