what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
