Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
