Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
