Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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