Apparently you make a good broom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
