If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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