Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
