I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
