Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
