I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
