I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
