There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
