we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i out mim tonsoeep
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