my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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