I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Boobs are out for the taking
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
