Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
