i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
