and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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