What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
