first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
