My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
