He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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