You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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