kristin has been a bad kristin
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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