i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
