I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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