All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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