The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize