mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
