dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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