no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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