I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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