I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
