sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
