You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
