How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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