You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
