that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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