I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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