I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize