He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
