I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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