I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
