You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We need to get me chipped asap
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