he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize