____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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