Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
