how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
