i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize