You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
