I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pappa wants mamma naked
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
