i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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