The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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