He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
