Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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